I want life to slow down. I NEED life to slow down. I can't believe how quickly Holly is growing up; she isn't a tiny newborn any more and that scares me. Before I know it, my maternity leave will be over and I will be back at work.
Last Friday I worked. Actual proper in-the-office work. I'll admit that it felt good and not only because it gave me a whole day away from the constant barrage of conversation that is Lara. I felt like I achieved something - it was a very productive day and it felt a bit like life was normal again. As normal as it ever can be after becoming a parent. Friday was one of my KIT (keeping in touch) days. I don't intend to return to work full time until into the new year but I genuinely do want to keep in touch.
Friday did also highlight to me how far down the line of maternity leave I really am. Holly is 15 weeks old today. She is beginning to lose her dependence on me and enjoys other people's company a lot. I am still breastfeeding her but she does know how to take a bottle (if still somewhat grudingly) and delights in the company of both sets of grandparents which is handy for when I need a babysitter! Before I know it, Holly will be weaning, crawling, talking, walking, telling me off for not singing the right words to her favourite songs. Sigh, her life seems to be rushing by and I can't catch up.
Holly is growing quickly. She is still nowhere near as big as her older sister ever was, but after feeding like a baby possessed during our holiday, she has now moved out of all her 0-3 month clothes and is definitely now into 3-6 month ones (or bigger if she is wearing a particularly bulky reusable nappy). Holly has character now - she is a little monkey and I enjoy playing with her. I'm aware that when Lara is at home Holly doesn't get quite as much playing, reading or singing as I want to give her, but on days when it is just the two of us, we have a lot of fun together.
I don't want this fun to end. I'm enjoying myself. I love going to meet other mummies, visiting my family during the day, chilling out with Holly in the garden and taking sneaky naps in the afternoon. I don't want this to end.
But...On the other hand, I do want to go back to work. You know me, I love what I do (and I need the money).
It's a funny old thing - The conundrum of the working mum.
For the time being, I just want life to slow down so that I can enjoy every single moment of my maternity leave with Holly.