Mellow Mummy: parenting : Taking life as it comes...
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Book Review : How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm

You can't have failed to notice that big banner advert I have running at present for Mei-Ling Hopgood's "How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm".  I chose to run the advert because the book fits well with the Mellow Mummy mantra.



As you probably know, I'm not one for parenting manuals.  I like to 'do' motherhood my own way.  I'll listen to and read the advice of lots of other people and explore other cultures and approaches before I take on a parenting challenge but in the end I'm usually driven by my own maternal instincts.  I think the author of "How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm" does the same thing too; the book is an exploration of different parenting practices from around the globe along with tales from Mei-Ling about how she has adapted these to suit her own western lifestyle.

Although in places the book does remind me of an undergraduate dissertation with its lists of external references and just-touched-upon, under-explored examples; I really appreciated the in-depth interviews and case studies that Mei-Ling had uncovered, particularly the real-life experiences that she and her husband had been through with their own daughter.

How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm has a series of chapters about different parenting challenges - How Buenos Aires Children Go To Bed Late, How the French Teach Their Children to Love Healthy Food, How The Kenyans Live Without Pushchairs, How the Chinese Potty Train Early, How Polynesians Play Without Parentsand several more fascinating topics.  I particularly enjoyed reading the chapters on routines, eating, pushchairs and potty training because I felt they came to the same conclusions that I had as a parent - everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to approach parenthood but there are ways that you can approach it that differ from the accepted norm in the western world which make a lot of sense and can make parenthood a little more mellow.

The most fascinating topic I found was on the role of fathers in bringing up a baby - How Aka Pygmies Are The Best Fathers.  Did you know that there are African pygmy tribes where the fathers will even let their children suckle on their nipples as relief while the women are out working or doing their own thing?

I really enjoyed reading Mei-Ling's book because it didn't preach to me about how I should be parenting but instead looked out how other cultures approach life and the lessons that we could choose to take from them.  Well worth a read if you'd like to become a mellower mummy!


Monday, 19 December 2011

Top Tips for a Mellow Christmas from Pampers

This year Lara really 'GETS' Christmas. There has already been chocolate, cakes, visits to Father Christmas and magical adventures and I can say right now that she has got somewhat over-excited at times. With an excited terrible two-year-old and the total lack of a routine over the festive holidays, I cannot see this Christmas being the relaxing, homely one that my pregnant body is longing for! The Pampers Village Parenting Panel experts have compiled their ultimate tips for an enjoyable festive season with baby to try and make things that little bit more mellow.



Pregnancy advice from Midwife, Mary Steen-Greaves:
  • Take a relaxing bath with some lavender drops added to help you de-stress and a warm milky drink to help you have a good night’s sleep.

  • Try not to over eat, especially late at night. Eat small meals frequently to help your digestion and keep spicy and fatty foods to a minimum.

  • You will still need to wrap up to keep warm when outdoors even though you will feel warmer than usual due to your increased blood. Wear comfortable, sensible footwear to help you maintain a good posture and reduce the risk of slipping in the cold (possibly icy) weather.




Skin health advice from Dr David Atherton:
Winter is tough on everyone's skin, but especially in the case of babies with naturally sensitive or dry skin. Consider the following:
  • You can use a humidifier in baby’s bedroom – if you can, make sure it incorporates a hygrometer to shut it down when the humidity is optimal to prevent dampness.

  • Apply a protective moisturiser to baby’s face and hands before leaving the house, and re-apply on your return (this one can apply to mum too!)

  • Cover the skin when outside. Use gloves, a scarf and a hat to help keep baby’s skin protected and warm.

  • Make sure your home isn't too hot and dry, especially in baby’s bedroom. Turn down the boiler setting, make sure it is off at night and, if you can, get some house plants to help increase the humidity.


Baby Development advice from Dr Maggie Redshaw:
  • The first Christmas stocking is really exciting – bubbles to blow, finger puppets and small picture books are great for babies and parents. Interacting through play helps to facilitate conversation through facial expression, sounds and movement.

  • Babies really enjoy wrapping paper and boxes at Christmas, and play with them as they would expensive toys so there is no need to spend a lot, but just take care about items that might not be so good to put in the mouth. A box can be a boat, car or den so use your imagination to bring games to life – this will help baby develop through social and make-believe play.

  • Christmas is usually a time for lots of indoor play, but make the most of it when it’s bright and crisp to get out to the park to try a kick around with a ball or play in the leaves/snow – this will help baby to develop physically while having fun.


For more information and tips on caring for your baby, visit the Pampers Village, www.pampers.co.uk or connect with other mums and log onto the new Pampers UK & Ireland Facebook page.

Friday, 21 May 2010

Staying Mellow About... Tooth-brushing

What are we doing wrong? We have been cleaning Lara's teeth twice a day every day for the past five months - ever since that first tiny sliver of white broke through the gum. After the recent Panorama episode that highlighted the risks of tooth decay in formula-fed children, I was keen to ensure that Lara got used to having her teeth brushed very early in life.

To start with, Lara REALLY enjoyed it. There were giggles, a wide-open mouth and she even enjoyed taking the brush from me and going 'brush, brush, brush' all on her own. That lasted for... oooh... a whole four days.




Ever since then, Lara has HATED tooth-brushing time with a vengeance. Every time the toothbrush comes near, she seems eager to give it a go. But as soon as the brush enters her mouth she screws up her face and rejects the brush. She will purse her lips, grab your wrists and physically prevent the toothbrush from approaching her mouth.

When Lara is teething, she is, understandably, even more aggressive when it comes to tooth-brushing time.




After the daily tooth-brush struggle, we offer Lara a cup of water (a grown-up cup, not a trainer cup) and she seems to look forward to this part. More often than not, this is a very messy affair.

I stay mellow about tooth-brushing only by telling myself that if we keep at it, it will, eventually, become easier. At present however, there doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

So, what is the secret when it comes to tooth-brushing?

Friday, 26 February 2010

Passing On Parenting Tips

This week, one of my bestest pals in the whole wide world announced that he is going to become a Daddy later this year. After a few hours of squealing with excitement, giggling to myself (my colleagues were giving me funny looks by this point) and generally smiling from ear-to-ear, I stopped to think about what advice I could offer a couple just starting out on their pregnancy and parenting adventure.

I could tell them to take advantage of any free baby bits and pieces they may be offered over the next few months. I could recommend they fill their freezer with lots of home-cooked meals (sans onion) to help them survive the first few days. I could scare them with humiliating stories of mummy-dom. I have lots of tips and advice on Mummy, Baby and Daddy products to buy (or not). But I don't want to overwhelm them with information at such an early stage in proceedings.

Perhaps I'll just recommend they do what we did – draw up a list of “stuff you want to do while there's just the two of you”. There's a tendency to focus too much on the birth of your first baby and to forget that up until that point you have the freedom to do whatever takes your fancy (within reason – I don't think I'd recommend bungee jumping) but that once your baby comes along, there are things you can only do with a lot of planning and/or a lot of confidence. I'll tell them to make the most of the next wonderful few months and to do all the things that they've been planning on doing for a while. For us it was:-
  • go for a Spa Day
  • watch a film at the cinema
  • see a West End show
  • go for dinner at a very posh restaurant
  • go for dinner at your favourite restaurant (posh or not!)
  • go on holiday, somewhere quiet and grown-up
  • play computer games (that was Mr. B, not me)


I think, looking back, the only thing I'd add to that list is “read loads of books because you won't get another chance for a while”.

So, what piece of advice would you pass on to some new parents-to-be?

Friday, 12 February 2010

Parental Leave – Are Your Rights Enough?

This week we experienced our first childcare 'issue'. Lara has been ill this week with a contagious eye infection. As such, we couldn't send her to Childminder #1 on Wednesday. This presented us with a problem that wasn't easy to solve and which inspired me to research my rights as a working parent – I was little disappointed.

Presented with the choice of (a) Mellow Mummy takes a day out of her holiday entitlement at short notice, seriously pissing off her project manager or (b) Mellow Daddy takes a day out of his holiday entitlement at short notice, seriously pissing of his project manager (who happens to be the same person as in a!); we started to explore our other options. I had heard an inkling that as a working parent, we were both entitled to (unpaid) time off work to care for your child so we looked it up on the DirectGov website.

You may not know that most working parents are entitled to 13 weeks leave (a maximum of 4 weeks each year) between the birth and the fifth birthday of their child. The time off is unpaid (boo) but it is in addition to your maternity or paternity leave and does not effect your annual holiday allowance. The government claim that the purpose of the unpaid leave is to, among other things:- help you care for your child if they are ill, allow you to help them spend more time with their family or to help find them a school or a childcare provider. I had rather imagined that I would qualify under the first point... I did not.

The caveat is that you must take your parental leave in full week blocks, and that you must give at least 21 days notice. So, next time Lara is going to be ill, I had best make sure that she is really ill so that it merits a whole week off work... and that she warns me a month in advance. How bonkers is that?

I'm surprised to find out that there is no government guidance on how employers should support employees if they need to take a small amount of time off work at short notice to care for their children. I can picture scenarios where this could cause a lot of aggravation for employers and employees alike.

Thankfully, we have a set of very friendly family members who were falling over themselves to look after Lara so in the end, neither of us needed to sacrifice a day of holiday. This week I swapped my day off work so that I could be with my little girl on the day when she was most unwell, ensuring that on the day when she did need to stay with her Auntie, she was a little healthier, and a little more cheerful. Things worked out for us, but it made me worry about how other people cope in a similar situation. What happens, when our normal childcare provider is not an option, to those of us whose employers aren't so understanding and to those whose family don't live locally, or perhaps who can't or won't look after their children under these exceptional circumstances?

I'd be interested to know what others do in this situation? Have any of you ever actually used your Parental Leave entitlement? What did you have/choose to use it for? How did it work out for you? Were your employers sympathetic? Let me know your thoughts.

Saturday, 30 January 2010

My Life Plan - A Meme

I've been tagged by Catherine of Baby Genie in her brand new 'life plan' meme. Its a good one! I think it really demonstrates how our dreams and goals change over the years, ESPECIALLY when you become a parent. If you read on, you'll see that I often meet my goals, but that my career plan has slowly changed from the very creative... to the very technical.

I don't remember having a life plan until I was about 13 (although I'm sure my Mum will correct me when she reads this). At the time, I had just decided to abandon my dreams of studying maths and physics at Oxford and following in my Mother's footsteps and had decided to go with my creative streak instead. I wanted to be a fashion designer and travel the world with my designs for sensible, but funky clothing. At this point, I KNEW I wanted to get married in a dress made out of Crunchie wrappers.



My little sister sporting one of my more unusual designs!


By the time I was 15 and planning my higher education, I'd decided that I wanted to be an advertising copywriter – a plan that I pretty much stuck with right up until I got to university where I was taking Media Studies. When I started Uni I was interested in news journalism, and I discovered a skill for photography. I attempted a few weeks work experience with a local newspaper and a portrait studio – I hated both of them! Photography was definitely meant to be a hobby for me, not a job!

By 21, at the end of university, I had changed my mind about my future career a million times but kept coming back to marketing. When I left, I got myself a job as a marketing administrator in the City for an IT recruitment firm (for administrator see 'making cups of strong coffee for over-boozed team-members'). That summer I finally got together with the guy I'd had my eye on for years and life was looking good. It was at this point in my life that I promised myself that I would have kids before I was 30 – it gave me time to achieve stuff (unspecified), gave me something to look forward to, and ensured that I wasn't going to be an ancient mummy! I just had to wait for my other half to finish university himself and then we could get married (at Silverstone racecourse, in a yellow wedding dress), settle down and build a family together... right?

One day I found myself running a stand at a graduate recruitment fair and had a complete change of plan. Here were people the same age and background as me earning three times as much: this was not right! I enrolled on an online software development course, got accepted for a masters degree in computing at the same university as my other half and was sure that in 12 months time I'd be working in the IT department of a big bank, bringing in the big bucks! I gave up work, moved in with my boyfriend and took out a huge loan to cover my fees.

12 months later, and at 23 years old, I was actually working for the 3rd largest software company on the planet. I was beginning to worry about the 'settling down' part of the life plan as my other half now lived about 100 miles away and had his heart set on a career that involved spending large parts of the year on remote pacific islands... the kinda place where there is not much call for enterprise software developers.

The next change in my life plan came in summer 2003 when I was 24. If you've read my contribution to the favourite photo meme you'll know that this is when I got together with Mr. B. I was on a training course in the USA and I abandoned my poor old boyfriend in favour of a work colleague (the ex didn't know it yet because he was away on a remote Caribbean island!) I had a really good feeling about it – I guess I knew then that I was going to be the future Mrs. B!

By 25 I was renting a house with Mr. B and we were both vaguely hankering after a job that would bring in enough money for us to afford to buy our first house together. I planned to find a job in IT consultancy.

At 26, we both had jobs in IT consultancy and bought our first house. At 27 I decided that if I was going to remain sane, I needed to give up the daily trek into the city. I found a relaxed job, close to home and finally got that banking role I'd planned for - I write software used by the world's biggest financial bods. The life plan now was to save up for a wedding and to start making babies! We got married when I was 28 (I didn't wear a yellow dress, or one made from Crunchie wrappers and no, it wasn't at Silverstone racecourse). Last year, three weeks before my 30th birthday, we had our first child. Phew, just made it before my self-imposed deadline!


The life plan now? Well, from my goals for 2010, you'll know that the plan is to find a new house which kinda leads on to breeding a bigger family! I plan to work for as long as I can balance it with family because I enjoy what I do and want to be the best at it. I'm aiming for a management role. In a few years time when our family is bigger and life has settled down a little (does it ever once you have kids?), both myself and Mr. B would like to live abroad for at least 12 months. We haven't decided where, or how we'll fund it, but we'd love to give our kids the opportunity to soak up a totally different culture.

So, that's my life story in a nutshell! If you would like to join in the meme, go ahead. But to keep things flowing, I tag the following people (because I think there will be some very revealing stories about how their life plans have changed over the years):-

Claire at The Life Of The Twenty-Something Mum
Tara at Sticky Fingers
Kathryn of Crystal Jigsaw
and
Hayley at Single Motherhood Challenges
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