Am I Still THE Mellow Mummy?

10 weeks in and life is returning to normal. I no longer live in a state of survival, trying to get through every hour without making a mistake. I feel on top of motherhood, which, compared to the first time, I think it pretty good going! I thought that it would be a good idea to re-evaluate my Mellow Mummy status. Am I STILL the Mellow Mummy even after a second child?

When Lara was born, motherhood had the wonderful side effect of calming me down, making me happier, less stressed, more relaxed and more spontaneous. I know a lot of this was to do with hormones and to do with the happy chemicals that Lara and I shared when we were together because when we were away from one another and, when I went back to work after maternity leave, the mellowness did begin to wear off a little.

During the later stages of pregnancy with Holly I could feel the 'yeah... whatever' feeling of mellowness descend again but childbirth does strange things to a woman and I was worried that this time I might benefit the same mellow side effect.

I certainly haven't had the 'nice hair and nails' side effect this time around but my 'totally random dry skin' side effect has come back since giving birth to Holly. Damn.

And the mellowness? Yes it is definitely back. Perhaps even stronger than last time. As a first time mum it is unusual for someone to be as laid back as me and to be so happy to just go with the flow and with your instincts. For a second time mum it is not so out of the ordinary. There are lots of happy and relaxed faces among my new second-time-mummy friends but then there are also still worriers - I'd love to be able to pass on some of the mellow vibes to them.

So yes, motherhood is great fun and I'm looking forward to the challenges that life has to throw at us together. If I can cope with toddler tantrums and two daughters with chicken pox in the first three weeks of Holly's life then what else does life have in store for us?

Babies are gross!

I never realised babies could generate so much vomit. No, really, this is all new to me. I wasn't well enough prepared for baby sick!

I had a whole stack of tiny baby bibs packed away in a box from when Lara was a baby, all totally unused and now I realise what they are for! Protecting baby clothes. My purchase of a bumper-pack of muslin cloths shortly before Holly was born was a bit of an afterthought as well. I really never needed them for Lara. But for Holly things are different.

People always talk about how babies puke all over the place and I'd previously just dismissed them as being a bit wet. I was only going on experience. Lara has only ever vomitted 7 times in her life (that I recall) and every single one of those occasions has been since she turned One (thus producing actual real vomit rather than just milky dribbles). Two of those vomit occasions have been in the past month! Lara never did the whole baby sick thing. She wouldn't have wanted to waste valuable milk!!!

And so baby sick has come as a bit of a surprise to me. My poor old shoulders have seen far more milky deposits than I care to mention and my hair is frequently sticky at the ends. I have had warm vomit between my boobs (a very offputting feeling) and a very near miss when dangling Holly directly above my face. Eeeew.

I wonder what it is about babies that make them a sicky one, or a not sicky one? Vomit; just one of the many differences between my two little girls. Motherhood brings new experiences every day!

Pregnant Cross-Country Skiing – Safe or Not? (and other questions)

When I was asked if I wanted to review a new book, The Pregnancy Test, I nearly fell of my chair with laughter. My mellow approach to motherhood is not one that sees me consult parenting handbooks, or scour the internet looking for answers to my daily mummy worries. I do my own thing, make my own decisions and worry little. But, as I've mentioned before, I wasn't always this mellow. During my pregnancy, I DID worry, I did scour books, magazines and the internet for answers for questions about how I was feeling, and what I could expect.

So, is Cross-Country skiing safe during pregnancy? What, you mean you'd never stopped to ask yourself this?

The Pregnancy Test is a pocket-sized handbook for pregnant mums. It is packed full of questions that real mums have asked. They're not all as entertaining as this one (although I am sure that there are people out there who do worry about this). The book is a fascinating mix of
(a) the glaringly obvious things that I'd hope most pregnant mums already know
(b) the day-to-day questions that mums-to-be really do ask of others
(c) embarrassing questions people are too embarrassed to ask anyone else (even Google)
(d) silly questions to make you giggle

Reading the book actually made me realise how many of the questions I had asked myself during pregnancy. I really wasn't very mellow back then at all! There are lots of things I had to look up, or ask my midwife during pregnancy which are covered in this book. I did learn quite a few things, particularly in the section towards the end, all about twins (about which, I knew nothing). Also, did you know that it has been proven that men can also suffer from morning sickness??? Question #125 says it is so!



As I read through the questions and answers in The Pregnancy Test I really began to think how useful the book would have been for Dads-to-be. I don't think I would have bought the book for myself, but I would consider buying it as a gift for an expectant friend and even more so for a male friend or colleague. I think there would be great value in an expectant couple talking through each of the questions together as part of their pregnancy learning curve. I think Dads-to-be would be less likely to approach others for answers to questions and more likely to hide away in a corner of the house with this book and read up on what their partner is going through. Questions such as “Why am I snoring more now that I'm pregnant?” and “Does my baby feel anything in utero when I have sex?” may help dads to provide support to their partners, or at least make them feel knowledgeable.

The Pregnancy Test features 130 questions and answers plus a quick-fire quiz. It also features an index which is pretty useful if you want to go back and find out more about a question you remembered, later in your pregnancy. About 5% of the questions are a little too USA-oriented (US maternity law and some health guidelines differ to those in the UK). I enjoyed the fact that the book wasn't too serious – the bonkers things that pregnancy puts us through can be taken light-heartedly and often it helps to laugh at the horrors such as unpleasant odours, discomfort and some big changes to our diets and lifestyles.

If you were wondering, the answer to the cross-country skiing question is... d, all of the above. It's fine as long as you know what you're doing. Which I don't. The Pregnancy Test by Melissa Hecksher and Emily Sikking is released in paperback in March.

I shall leave you now with the page of the book which I felt was the most entertaining, most revealing and which will hit home to most mums, and terrify all the mums to be!



Images and excerpts courtesy of Quirk Books

An Interview with Emma Forbes on Motherhood and Mellowness

TV and radio presenter Emma Forbes has recently started her own website forbesstyle.com, a great mix of personal material, showbiz, lifestyle tips and reviews – its a site that inspires me to work hard at making Mellow Mummy bigger and better. Emma is a mum of two children aged 10 and 14. I recently had the chance to ask Emma a few questions on motherhood, beauty and remaining mellow; you'll see from her answers that she has a very similar approach in life to me. I assure you, I am not secretly Emma Forbes!

Q. How would you describe your approach to parenting?
A. My approach to parenting is quite simple. I believe that what you put into it, you get out of it. I love parenting. I consider it my favourite and the best job I have ever done. I love being with my kids, enjoy my time with them at all ages and stages, and feel you can never love your kids too much.


Q. If you look back on the last 14 years, which aspects of motherhood do you wish that you had approached differently, if any?
A. I wish I hadn't been such a worrier when they were tiny but I guess all new mums are the same. I don't know that if I went back I would have done anything very differently - not because I did it right, but just because I think I did the best I could at the time!


Q. What one baby accessory do you remember being vital to you? And what item could you have happily lived without?
A. The one baby item I couldn't have lived without was a baby monitor. Loved them!!!! And I could have happily done without that bouncy swing thing that hung from a door...I never liked them.

Q. What recipes would you recommend for families with toddlers and young children who want to eat together as a family?
A. It's hard to put in lots of specific recipes for families with kids to eat together but I believe that eating together is the important bit - as a family - so few people do it! I am also a great believer in kids eating the same as adults - and not doing pasta with butter for the kids while you have roast chicken and vegetables. The sooner they learn to eat and experiment with food the better and the easier in the long run! I think stir fries are great with kids of all ages and easy for families, or good old traditional things like cottage pie and macaroni cheese.

Q. What, if any, childcare arrangements did you make for your children before they reached school age? How did this make you feel at the time?
A. Pre-school age I had help with my kids. I had an amazing nanny, who became part of my family (and still is even though no longer the nanny! ) They were never left with sitters, or anyone other than her - she was great as I was always hands on, and very much around. If my kids were ill, I cancelled everything (still do) and so she was great at working alongside me.

Q. In your experience, what makes a good family holiday for pre-school children?
A. A good family holiday in my opinion with tiny kids is somewhere near!!! Nowhere with more than one plane journey if you are going abroad, the less time difference the better, and don't be too adventurous!! They don't remember going to Disneyland before the age of 5 so don't spoil it by taking them at age 1!! Somewhere like renting a house in cornwall or somewhere where you know you have everything you need around you, and it will be a good change of scenery.

Q. This one is a hard one as there are so many times in our lives when our children make us grin with pride... what is your proudest mummy moment?
A. I have loads and am always proud of them, but I think I am always super proud when I get a compliment about them - when they haven't been with me and someone says how kind they were, or how they were polite -I love that!!

Q. Do you have a favourite beauty product that you can't live without? If so, what? And why is it indispensable?
A. One beauty product I can't live without is Elizabeth Arden's 8 hour cream. Lasts forever, treats kids and adults alike and brilliant for lips, nails and just generally fab!

Q. And finally, What steps do you take to remain mellow... positive, relaxed and healthy as a mum of two?
A. Hmmm hard to always remain that!!! It depends really on the day/week we are having, but I try to just keep it all going and have the odd massage, or see a movie if I get stressed. I tend to be pretty much in control now they are older, I think I found it harder when they were tiny and couldn't communicate as well.

Travel WITHOUT a 1-Year Old aka The Stress Hormone

I've blogged a lot recently about travelling with Lara; I've shared my tips on how to remain mellow, especially when travelling abroad by aeroplane. Yesterday, for the first time since Lara was born, I had occasion to fly abroad WITHOUT Lara. The luxury.

Yesterday I flew to Frankfurt to visit the Pampers R&D department in Schwalbach. It's a fascinating story that I shall tell you about in more detail at a later date. It is the first time I have ever been away and travelled back by plane all in the same day and it felt so good to be taking only hand luggage with me. No queuing at the bag-drop desks. No hanging around at the baggage reclaim. This is travel at it's fastest, right?

I was very much looking forward to a fight without the need to carry vast quantities of baby supplies with me. I felt slightly un-nerved without a changing bag and a pushchair to hinder me and, as I passed hesitantly through security I hung around expectantly, imagining that a customs official might want to ask me to taste one of the items in my bag. But no, this time I was travelling with no strings attached and no baby-gubbins to weigh me down.

Travelling out to Germany yesterday wasn't too bad but on the way home, our flight was delayed by over an hour. That may not sound like much, but on a flight than only takes just over an hour, that's double the time you expected. Exactly a week beforehand, I had been on the same end of a flight-delay. A 15 hour delay on a 7.5 hour flight from the USA with a 1-year-old in tow.

Lara crawling in at midnight after a hard night drinking and dancing in the US of A

The fascinating thing for me was that where a week ago I had been relaxed and resigned to my fate, last night I got stressed and impatient. I've decided that this demonstrates the Lara-effect. Lara calms me down. Lara makes me mellow. Ever since Lara was born, I have been transformed. The manic, control-freak, stress-meister has disappeared and the mellow, pragmatic, realist has been revealed. Last week I took it all in my stride and never once did I feel my blood pressure rise, or the red mist descend. But yesterday, in Lara's absence, I felt that naggy, stressy feeling again. I was up out of my seat, scouring the departures board for updates, ranting about airline staff and hurling abuse at fellow passengers. The old me had returned.

I'm sure that there is a scientific explanation to the mellow mood that Lara causes in me. It's probably hormones but it might just be her gorgeous smile and twinkling eyes that melt me. Mr. B. says that it's just that all other stresses pale into insignificance compared to a stroppy toddler and a poor night's interfered sleep.

12 Months Of Motherhood

Lara is One. It's hard to believe. The last 12 months have flown by.

In twelve short months I have learned a lot. I feel like I've changed – Lara has brought out the mellow, calm, less-stressed side of me (she seems to have had the opposite effect on Mr. B. though).

From the very beginning, I have learned to resign myself to what life has to offer you. Not in the negative 'ho, hum, I guess I'll just have to deal with it' way... but in a 'there's no point fighting this, so how can I turn it into a positive thing?' way. Whether it's a birth plan that doesn't quite work out, or a wrecked body that takes months to heal, as long as you keep on living your life and doing what feels right, at the time, for you, then things will work out just fine.

In my pre-mummy life I would always have stressed about turning up on time and about having everything I need ready for me at all times. Mr. B. thought it was funny! These days I am much more relaxed about things. I very soon learned that after you take into account feeding times, nappy changes, packing a changing bag (and re-packing it once the baby has unpacked it for you), putting the buggy in the car and strapping a wiggly child into a car-seat... getting anywhere on time is an impossibility. As long as we try our best, no-one is going to mind if we're a little late.

I have learned to make time for others. Becoming a mummy is a big shock in terms of finding time for yourself. The constancy of motherhood means that you must always be looking out for your little one, and concentrate less on yourself (without totally losing your me-time: it's a tricky, but important balance). I think this has helped me to focus less on myself and more on those around me – I genuinely feel that my relationships with friends and family have improved because of this.

I have learned that babies do things their way and at their pace. To start with I was governed by the 'little red book' and engrossed with stories from friends and families about growth charts and development trackers. After just a few months it was obvious to me that Lara was unique. All babies are so let's just stop comparing them to one another.

I have learned that it IS possible to work and bring up a child without feeling guilt. I feel a great sense of pride when I see my little girl getting on so well with other people's children and mimicking the older children's actions. I feel like I have offered her a lot of opportunities that she would not have had if she had just me to spend her days with.

I have learned to breast feed, to bottle feed, to spoon feed and to let Lara go with the flow (baby-led feeding). I have learned to change a nappy, bathe a baby, give a baby medicine (urgh). All important skills I had no need for until 12 months ago.

I'm sure there are lots of other things I have learned but I'm POSITIVE that I will keep on learning this parenting malarkey as Lara gets older.

This Time Last Year...

...I was known as Emma, not as Mummy.

… I was overdue. I had a belly like a space-hopper and I felt too huge to move.

… I had been on maternity leave for a fortnight. The novelty had already worn off. I was bored of 'Bargain Hunt'.

… I had entered almost every single competition on the entire internet! I had been through all of the competitions on Loquax for Health & beauty products, Parenting products and Kids prizes and had started entering for CDs, DVDs and gadgets. (I would reap the rewards a couple of months down the line when the prizes started coming in!)

… I was baking hot and struggling to keep cool. The heatwave was at its peak and I had no skirts or dresses I could fit over the bump. In the end I had to go and buy a couple of skirts with elasticated waists which seemed such a shame when I knew I just had a few days left before the baby would arrive.

… I had never read a blog post, let alone written one myself!

… I had feet like a clown. The only relief I got was when I had a pedicure. My salon uses a lovely mint foot scrub by Bio Sculpture so I sent Mr B on a search around the whole of the south of England to see if he could find me some. We now have a cupboard full of imitations which never quite lived up to the real thing.

… I didn't quite know what I had let myself in for!

The 9-Month Check: A Moment of Realisation

I read a great post last week at Bumbling Along about the realisation that your baby is an individual and that when it comes to their development and their behaviour, no one child is the same and that it really doesn't matter if they don't conform to the 'norm', in fact, it makes them all the more loveable.

Last week Lara had her 9-month check at the baby clinic. Sitting in a room full of babies all within 5 weeks of each other in age really brought this home to me. Some of the babies were crawling all over the shop while others could barely sit up unaided. Some had a mouth full of teeth, others had none, and no sign of them. There were babies who were still on a diet of 100% breast milk, and others who, like Lara, are well on their way to eating a full, unrestricted diet of 'real' foods.

In the current age of online motherhood communities and self-help books, you can be bombarded with information about what your baby “should” be doing or eating at their current stage in life. As a first time mum it's helpful to have such a wealth of information available to me to help answer my questions about bringing up a baby and to demystify the world of motherhood but they can also be misleading and can build unreasonable expectations.



Although I have shunned all of the self-help parenting books, I do subscribe to email newsletters from all the big mummy networks and many of the big brand baby product suppliers; I have done right from the beginning of my pregnancy. During pregnancy I would receive about 3 emails each week telling me what to expect at the current stage of proceedings. Most weeks they were shockingly accurate... but then when an email didn't quite explain what I was feeling, or else told me about something I wasn't yet experiencing I began to worry – maybe the pregnancy wasn't progressing correctly? It is the same with child development emails.



When Lara was about 3 months old I started receiving emails about how my baby will soon start to roll. After a few weeks I began to worry and then when all Lara's peers started to roll I felt a little left out! Lara still doesn't roll (which seemed to surprise the health visitor at the 9-month check) – she doesn't need to. Lara can get about just fine without rolling. But now I realise that it really doesn't matter whether she's the only one who doesn't roll over. Maybe she'll do so in her own time, maybe she'll never bother. There are things Lara does which nobody else's babies do yet but hey, who really cares?

I strongly feel that the sooner you accept that your baby is unique and will do things at their own pace, the sooner you can relax as a parent and grow in your own confidence. Celebrate the things they can do, deal with the ways they do behave, feed them the things they will eat. Do it your way – its the best way.

My 10 Most Surreal Mummy Moments

I haven't been a mummy for that long (nearly 8 months) but, inspired by the 'Best of British Mummy Bloggers' carnival over at Wives and Daughters, I've decided to record my 10 most surreal Mummy moments!

1. Day two of motherhood. The hormonal meltdown. I'm strong, I wasn't prepared for the hormonal rush just a couple of days after giving birth. At one point I found myself curled up in a ball both crying with despair (from feeling helpless and useless) and laughing (at the ridiculousness and joyfulness) at the same time.


2. Day three of motherhood. Lying on a hospital bed, legs akimbo, at the Birth Centre with a midwife oggling my bits and examining my rather painful haemorrhoids only to hear her exclaim “Oh my! I've never seen anything like it. It's as big as a golf ball!” I sooooo knew she wanted to call in her colleagues to enjoy the show.


3. Week three of motherhood. Sharing the tales of episiotomy, piles, constipation and vaginal infection with my mother and her best friend. Wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Grandmas are supposed to be there to share the highlights of a baby's life... not to gossip about the mother's gynaecological mishaps.


4. Week four. Answering the front door to the postman with baby Lara still latched on to my boob! He didn't seem fazed at all. I've never done it since, mainly because Lara became a nosey little girl very early on and was liable to look up and leave my boob hanging out for all visitors to see!


5. Month three. Sitting on an aeroplane (a broken one, on a runway, not going anywhere) for several hours in a seat that wasn't big enough for an average sized adult, let alone one carrying a three-month old baby. Trying to breastfeed Lara from full-to-bursting boobs without spraying milk on the complete stranger sitting next to me, or prodding them in the ribs with my elbows or flailing baby-limbs.


6. Month four. Discovering that my head-banging skills make Lara squeal with glee every time! I'm hoping the comedy value never wears off because I LOVE to see her giggle.


7. Month five. Our first full night away from the munchkin. Sitting in the audience of an Eddie Izzard gig in Brighton watching another Mummy breastfeeding her baby of a similar age to Lara. I was unable to keep my eyes of them and paid little attention to the show. It made me realise that I missed Lara an awful lot that night.


8. Month six. A 'Girls Night Out' with the NCT ladies. The surreal thing here being that the last time I went out for an evening of any sort with a group comprising solely of females was a Take That concert when I was just 15! Even my hen night was more guys than girls. It felt weird being out with the ladies... but it felt good. Much white wine was consumed and an awful lot of rubbish dancing was done. I felt like a different person.
photo by Sile Hickey

9. Month six. Showing off Lara's new found swimming skills at Coral Reef Waterworld. Merrily pootling around the pool, giving Lara a piggy-back when a crazy alarm sounded. A woman near me asked, "do you know what that sound means?", "err... nope" I replied. Seconds later, a huuuuuuge water cannon burst out of the 'volcano' and blasted Lara in the face, splattering her right off my back. Lara seemed to think it was a lot of fun at the time but I suspect it may have scarred her for life as she now screams every time we have to do piggy-backs at Aquatots.


10. Month eight. The day that Daddy took Lara for her swine flu jab. It was a case of role reversal. After 7 months of maternity leave with Mr. B at work and me at home looking after the munchkin, this was the first time that he had taken some time off work to care for Lara, leaving me working in the office. After I'd got over the weirdness of it all, I relaxed and realised that things were going to be a lot more equal now between me and Mr. B.

So there, I hope you enjoyed a laugh at my expense! I'm sure there will be plenty of more surreal moments over the coming years.