Settling In At Nursery

Next week Holly starts nursery 4 days a week.  Over the past week or so she has been doing a few settling in sessions to get used to the people and the environment.  It is going a lot better than I had expected.

I had been a bit worried that we had got our timing very wrong.  In the week or so before Christmas Holly went through a very clingy stage and started showing signs of separation anxiety; crying every time I left the room and always wanting to be cuddled.  Last week when I took her into nursery for the first time, I was prepared for disaster.

Thankfully, Holly surprised me.  By the time I had finished my paperwork Holly had made new friends and was happily playing in the sand tray and bossing other babies about.  She willingly took her bottle from a complete stranger and then got straight back to play.  She was doing so well that I decided to leave her to it and popped out for a cup of tea.  The second session was much the same.

Tomorrow Holly is going to nursery for tea which will be another new experience for her but I think she'll be just fine.  The only thing I now think she may struggle with is settling down for a nap when there are so many exciting things going on around her.

Seeing Holly so relaxed in her new surroundings with her keyworker and the other nursery staff made me so happy.  Lara spent her first year with a childminder which was a much more homely environment and this time around I had looked at what other options there were for Holly other than nursery but nothing really worked out.  I was tempted by the prospect of a nanny (two sets of nursery fees made this seem like a financially viable solution) or a childminder who might be able to still look after Lara after school later this year.  Thankfully I know and trust our nursery and I love it there so it doesn't really matter that the other options were all dead ends..  Lara has thrived and is sooooo happy there.

And now more than ever I know that choosing the right childcare for you and your children is such a personal decision and one which tests your parental instincts to the max.  Having spoken with an old friend last week whose little boy wasn't settling well at nursery I got the impression that she hadn't got THE feeling from the nursery.  As a parent you just KNOW.  Its a feeling somewhere deep down inside that you get when you know you've found the right place for your child.  You're happy, your child is happy and life is good to go.

The First Days At Nursery

And so, the first week at nursery is over. There have been tears every morning so far, but i think we're getting there slowly.

Lara seems to really enjoy her days at the nursery and comes home chatty and smiley with a full belly. When we go to pick her up in the evenings, there are sometimes tears because she is a bit lonely to be one of the last two children to be picked up - it gets a bit quiet when all her little friends have gone home.

After a couple of days, the staff at the nursery suggested that I let Lara bring a cuddly toy with her. I was a bit resistant to this idea because I don't want Lara to become dependent on a comforter - she is a self-condifent little girl who just wouldn't look right trapsing round with a worn out toy or a blanket. Despite my reservations, I let Lara choose a toy to take with her. She refused her own toys and instead chose one my my enormous collection of teddy bears. Apparently, it has helped - Lara likes to cuddle it as she takes her afternoon nap but it is a good sign that, when I turn up to pick her up, the cuddly toy is packed tidily away in her bag. I have decided to send Lara to nursery with a different toy this week so that she doesn't get too dependent on one bear.

That the nursery can get her to sleep at all is amazing for me - I can't get Lara to sleep at any time of day. She simply WILL NOT go to sleep for me.

Today, the feedback from the nursery was that Lara was cheerful and relaxed all day after the tears had gone. I know the nursery drop off will get easier as the days progress but on mornings like today when she is in absolute hysterics, it is hard to turn and leave her and her teddy bear.

The First Day At Nursery

Lara starts nursery today. It's not a big thing really, but I feel like I've been conditioned into believing it is. In reality, today is no different to any working day last year. I will drop Lara off at about 8.30 and pick her up just before 6. This year I will be working for 4.5 days a week rather than just 4, that's the only difference (oh, hang on, there's the £400 a month difference in cost too!)

We had to leave our lovely childminders in Bracknell because, since moving house, the commute back to Bracknell twice a day for the childminder wasn't a good use of time or petrol. I struggled to find a new childminder in Wokingham so we've opted for a nursery.



I've thought long and hard about our decision and on the whole, I'm happy that nursery is the right decision for Lara now. I'm still convinced that a childminder (or two) was the right decision this time last year and I'm glad that over the past 12 months Lara has had a family environment where she has done real, every-day activities such as going to the shops, waiting for an MOT and doing the daily school run. I like that sense of normality. I'm also glad that Lara has got to play with children of lots of different ages as I think it has pushed her to develop quickly. I do however worry that to this day, Lara has always been the centre of attention wherever we go – she's at that age where she is the entertainer and left in a room full of older children (or adults) she will quite happily soak up all of the attention. Now is a good time to teach Lara that she can't always be doted on. I think it will do her good to be in a more formal environment, surrounded by children her own age. But, I do worry that she will no longer be encouraged to develop and do grown-up things.

Choosing a nursery is very much like choosing a house – you just KNOW when it's the right one. Unfortunately, the one we fell in love with costs the earth (hence the new year's resolution to stop spending any other money). Oh well.

Lara's settling in sessions at the nursery were a mixed bag. There were tears at the start of every session but once she realised that there was lots to do, she had a ball. She has already built up an attachment to her keyworker and I think she's going to love the constant stream of activities and hopefully she'll come home happy each evening, and after some chillout time and supper with her parents, she'll ready for a good night's sleep.

Lara's first day at nursery won't be an emotional rollercoaster for me. I'm used to the feeling of leaving her each morning, and... if there are tears, I know they won't last for long.

Childcare - An Update

For those of you who have been following Mellow Mummy recently, you will know that I have lost a little bit of my mellowness over the last couple of weeks while trying to find new childcare closer to the new house in time for January 2010 when I will be increasing my hours at work again.

Yesterday I did finally reach closure on the issue - for the time being - and I thought I'd update you.

Last week I mentioned how I had found a nursery that I really liked the look of, having given up trying to find a local childminder. I must have rung the nursery a million times over the last 2 weeks and was beginning to get fed up with their lack of action. On Monday I made a decision that if I couldn't get a straight answer from them that there would be a place for Lara (even for a few days per week) then I would have to sign up for the other nursery I had seen and didn't like so much. I really had to make a decision this week because I needed to give my existing childminders their notice and just couldn't risk the possibility that I would be left with no childcare whatsoever in the new year.

On Monday I STILL didn't have any of my phonecalls returned and had given up hope. I called the other nursery to confirm that they still had a place and then started filling in the application form. On Tuesday I even wrote out the cheque but decided to give my nursery of choice one last chance. I rang twice and both times I was told that I would receive a call in return. ARRRGH. Finally, just before I left work, I got the call I wanted.

Lara has been offered a place at the nursery we really liked for the full 5 days a week. Yay!

Panic over.

Now I had best lift out the cheque book.

AARGH - My Childcare Conundrum All Over Again

A little under a year ago I blogged about choosing childcare for Lara who was going to be 7 months old when I returned to work. It was a long and stressful process that required a lot of thought. One year on, I have to start the whole process all over again. I've moved house and in the new year I will be upping my hours so I need to find childcare in my local area – the sooner the better. I can't believe I have to start from scratch on the search for suitable childcare.

Last year I started my search with nurseries and was uninspired. I changed my mind and looked for childminders. After contacting over 40 people and interviewing 10, I found two lovely ladies who have served Lara well over the past year. They both offer very different types of care, and are both very different to me. I feel like I made the right decision. But now we live in a different town and each morning we have to trek an extra 4 or 5 miles over a busy level crossing and through a town with a one-way system to the town we used to live in order to drop Lara off with the childminder, then drive the whole journey back to work, and then back to Bracknell in the evening before trekking back through the one way system and over the level crossing in the evening.

And so it is time to start looking for local childcare. This time around I started my search by looking for childminders. I contacted my local Family Information Service who emailed me back within minutes with a list of all the childminders in my village and the surrounding regions of Wokingham. Where last time my search was quite flexible in terms of location, I now find myself looking at a much smaller area because I am mindful that in not much over a year I will start looking for a pre-school for Lara and then after that a primary school – I need to make sure that I choose a childminder who will do school runs to our local schools.

Now, heres the problem. Bracknell, where we used to live) is quite built up and has lots of young (and not so young) mums who want to work in childcare. In Wokingham where I now live the average age of residents is a lot older, there are a lot less people and very few of them seem to want to look after children for a living. After scribbling out all of the names of women who could not work the hours I wanted, I was left with a list of 5 people. Two of them immediately ruled themselves out, one didn't answer her phone, one was away on holiday and one sounded evil on the phone. Great.

And so, in a total reversal of last year's situation, I have started looking at nurseries again. I've seen a few and once again it is not so much that I dislike them, just that they don't inspire me. I don't feel strongly enough about any of them to get excited about the possibility that Lara would spend a large part of her life there. We have seen one we liked – very different to anywhere else we visited either this year or last (in fact, it made me a bit weepy when we visited as it just seemed so 'right'). We're on the waiting list for it now but I'm aware that the days are ticking by and within a couple of weeks I am going to have to give my notice to the current childminders officially (they know we're looking) if we are going to move on in the new year. I'm told its likely that I'll be able to get 3 days at least at the nursery which is frustrating, but better than nothing. It does however mean that I still have a childcare gap I need to fill.

Arrgh.

Remaining Mellow About... Chicken Pox

My mellow state of mind has been tested again! On Friday, one of my childminders rang me to let me know that her daughter had been diagnosed with chicken pox. She gave me the weekend to think about whether or not I wanted to send Lara to her this week.

My first thoughts were for Lara. Should I be worried for her? What does it mean for her? My worrying was short-lived. She's a generally healthy child and we'll be there for her when she needs us. Chicken pox may be miserable for them, but in most cases, it is not a serious virus.

Then my mind turned to her other childminder – she's 5 months pregnant. I spoke to her that evening and she seemed remarkably mellow about it. Chicken pox during pregnancy can be very serious. Thankfully, she has already had the virus and has been given a blood test to ensure that she has developed immunity to it. It is still possible, as an adult with immunity, to develop shingles (a variation on the same virus) but this is rarely harmful during pregnancy. This settled my mind a lot as it meant that I would not be presented with a childcare void.

Finally, I worried about my husband. He's never had chicken pox and I've been warned that it can be a lot more unpleasant as an adult. In fact, I can still clearly remember seeing my own Dad when I was a child, he having been laid up in bed for a fortnight with the virus and having not shaved – the sight was the stuff of nightmares!

Anyway, I have decided to remain calm. Lara spends every afternoon with school children and every day with their younger siblings. She goes to playgroup, swimming lessons and family friends. Lara is going to get the virus sooner or later (in fact, 90% of UK adults will have had the virus as a child). In all likelihood, if she was going to catch the virus this time around, she has probably already caught it (the time taken from infection to the spots showing can be as much as three weeks, and it is most infectious a couple of days before and after the spots appear).

There is no way that her daddy is going to avoid infection either, without moving out for the next 9-10 years (!) it would be pretty much impossible for him to avoid it.

And so, I shall sit back and wait for the inevitable...

Can Reusable Nappies Work With A Childminder?

Lara wears re-usable nappies. I'm not an eco-warrior, I don't use them 100% of the time but I do feel it is my duty to do as much as I can to reduce our family's waste, and I KNOW (because I've done some very complex calculations, including electricity costs and water usage!) that it saves me money. When I was looking for childcare last year, the prospect of having to give up using the cloth nappies was a very real worry for me.

I didn't KNOW when I started looking whether nurseries would allow us to continue using re-usable nappies but it became very obvious after we had looked around a couple, that nurseries are very much geared up for disposable nappies – in very high volumes! It became quickly obvious that it was a non-starter. I won't say that it directly contributed to our decision not to send Lara to nursery, but it was certainly something that we thought about when we made our decision.

Each of the childminders that I interviewed seemed willing to give the re-usable nappies a try (I've heard that many simply won't entertain the idea). For many, it was a totally new concept that nobody had ever suggested to them before. For one or two (mainly the ones with a history as Nannies), they had tried them before in different guises. I was worried that my childminders wouldn't want to deal with reusable nappies because of the bother of having to deal with different nappies for different children – but because most childminders ask you to provide your own nappies, it is very little additional effort for them to deal with reusables rather than disposables for one or more of the children in their care. Both of my childminders were more than happy to try reusable nappies out.

I gave each of my childminders a roll of liners, a packet of nappy sanitiser (for soaking in the event of a really evil nappy) and a drawstring bag for carrying wet nappies when out of the house. Each morning, I take them an empty nappy bucket, two nappy covers a pile of six pre-folded cotton nappies. I have yet to find a well-sized bucket with a truly sealable lid, so if the nappies have been soaked, the childminder has to drain them before we take the bucket home.

I wash the nappies every two or three days. Since I started back at work, I've found that I could do with a few more nappies and covers than I did previously. Much of this is to do with the childminders not having totally adapted to the reusable nappies. There have been some extremely wet nappies that could have done with changing much earlier than they were, and some ill-fitting nappies where all sorts of horrid stuff has escaped. It's a learning curve that I had to deal with; and they'll get the hang of too soon. I also find that I have to be well-prepared when it comes to washing nappies. When I was on maternity leave, when I could see I was running out, I could put a wash on, hang the nappies up to dry and the whole process would be turned around before the end of the day. These days, I can only wash and dry overnight so I have to always be thinking one step ahead.

When I take Lara out and about, I normally take disposable nappies with me to make changes faster and less messy (and to save on space in my changing bag). I provide the childminders with a pack of disposable nappies so that they can do the same. It turns out that childminders have much more of a social life than me (!) so they get through a lot more disposables than I did when I was at home. Despite this, they're doing well at using the reusable nappies as often as possible and in 2 months they have used around 20 disposable nappies between them.

I have received no complaints from either childminder about using cotton nappies – in fact the feedback is good. One of them is currently pregnant but I'm not sure I've done enough to convince her to use them herself when her second child comes along (I have a few months yet!). I am happy that I've given it a go, that I've been confident enough to request that they do things my way and that I haven't had to give up what I believe in. I've learned that you CAN continue using reusable nappies even when your child goes to a childminder.

The Last Week Of Maternity Leave

So this is it. It is 7 months since I started my maternity leave – my, how that has flown by! Next Monday I return to work for 4 days a week.

I won't go as far as to say that I am 'looking forward' to my return to work, but somehow it just feels right. I knew it would... new year, new routine. I knew a few weeks ago when I suddenly realised that there was no way I could face daytime TV any more. I knew when Lara started eating a full 3 meals a day, and I knew when she started to lose interest in her only remaining breast feed of the day that she was ready to move to a childminder. I knew when people started mentioning to me that Lara seemed very good at entertaining herself for long periods of time. She doesn't need me 24/7 any more; friends, relatives and childminders are just as fun, and just as helpful (but nobody's silly hair makes her laugh so much, so that's OK).

This week Lara is spending 2 mornings with each of her 2 childminders. Mr B. is back at work so life feels a bit empty.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that this time next week I will be back at work and will no longer get to spend all day every day with my munchkin, and I'll no longer have the freedom to make coffee dates and go on mummy walks whenever it suits me. My question to you is... how do I make the most of the next 4 days? Bargain Hunt & Twitter don't seem like the best use of my time now, do they?

My Childcare Conundrum - How I Chose a Childminder (or two)

I return to work from maternity leave in six weeks time. I can't believe how quickly the last five months have disappeared. Back in June, when I left work, it seemed like a lifetime away but all too soon I had to start looking for childcare, ready for my return to work in the new year. As the name of my blog suggests, I'm pretty calm when it comes to being a mummy, but I can honestly say that the search for childcare for my little girl has been the most stressful part of motherhood so far – there have been late nights, tears and tantrums. But now, thankfully, I think I have finally found a placement with two childminders, an arrangement that really works for me and for my daughter.

I guess it doesn't help that the hubbie and I completely changed our minds about what type of childcare we were looking for. We had always thought that we wanted to send our little girl to nursery from 7 months because she'd benefit from being around other babies and for having some structure to her day. We visited 5 nurseries which I had chose from the OFSTED website (http://www.ofsted.gov.uk/oxcare_providers/list) based on location and on their latest OFSTED reports. None of them wowed us. They were fine, nothing more, nothing less and I failed to get excited about them. Back in July/August we put our names down on two waiting lists and sat back to do just that.... wait.

During the summer, my path crossed that of a local childminder (I happened to offer her some stuff to through Freegle); she was a lovely woman with an OFSTED grade of 'outstanding' who, despite not having any vacancies, invited me round for a cuppa to tell me all about the benefits of using a childminder. In that one afternoon, I was a convert. I felt I could have left Lara with her there and then!

In October, I started trying to find a childminder of a similar calibre to the first lady I had met. Its hard to find out a childminder's current OFSTED grading without first contacting them. Childminders aren't listed by name on the OFSTED website, only by their registration number. The information that each childminder publishes about themselves in the material that local councils or vacancy websites provide is often vague and rarely includes their OFSTED number. For me, I decided the best approach was to contact them, decide whether I liked them, and then to go back and find out whether OFSTED agreed. Most of the women I met were graded 'good'. Not surprisingly, the 'outstanding' childminders rarely have vacancies... and when they do, they go extremely quickly.

I suspect I had been a little bit spoiled by meeting such a well-respected, accomplished childminder at the beginning of my journey because many of the childminders I have since been on to meet have been so far away from my ideal that it gives me the shivers just thinking about it...

• … the geezer mum whose teenage daughter and granddaughter lounged on the sofa all day with the kids in front of TV (I didn't spot a single book in the house).


• … the woman in the hand-knitted cardi and crimpline trousers, sent from GOD who expressed no interest in my daughter, and seemed more interested in reminding me how unfortunate she was to be a single mum.


• … the desperate woman whose house was a building site (and it didn't look like the DIY would be complete any time soon) who had a huuuuuge dog who was able to jump as high as me!


• … the ancient woman whose house was packed full of delicate ornaments, was heated to at least 40 degrees centigrade and into whose living room was squeezed the largest TV I've ever set eyes on (actually, that's probably what was heating the house up, come to think of it).

In total, I contacted 41 different childminders in two different regions (close to work vs. close to home). I visited 10 of them. After eliminating all of the women who couldn't do the days or hours I needed, and rejecting any who were clearly round the bend; I finally found the woman I KNEW deep down was right for my little girl. I think you just KNOW the minute you meet someone, or step into a premises, be it a nursery or someone else's house, that this is it... the one you've been looking for.

The childminder I chose, couldn't work on a Friday. It was regrettable, but I figured that if I had found the right person, then I could explore other options for that one day a week even though I really really didn't want to get involved with the complications of family members babysitting. I still had one lady to visit so didn't sign on the dotted line there and then (although from previous experiences where I had got home from a visit to find an email saying the place had now been taken, I had been sorely tempted). That weekend I received a panicked call from the childminder saying she didn't think she could take the job; that she was struggling with the school run and didn't think that she'd be able to cope with a small baby in tow. I was gutted. I got very emotional. Then I chilled out; after all, there's no point in sending your child to a minder who can't keep them safe 100% of the time, or who can't offer them all the attention they need.

Co-incidentally, the same day, I was offered a place at one of the two nurseries I had signed up to way back in the summer. The place they offered me was for the wrong days of the week and they seemed a bit taken aback when I turned them down, saying I couldn't and wouldn't change the one day of the week that I take off work. Bonkers.

By this point I was getting a bit desperate. Thoughts did cross my mind about postponing my return to work. I stuck it out though and visited the last childminder on my list - she was also lovely, but also couldn't work all of the days that I needed. She proposed a job share... and do you know who she suggested she could do it with? Yup, the lady I had previously set my heart on. The two ladies live very close and had been chatting at the school gates. Between them they worked out that they could provide me all the days I was looking for and that at two days per week each, neither of them would get too stressed with having to handle a small baby as well as their other children.

So that's it, I've got an arrangement for the new year which works out wonderfully. My little girl will spend two days a week with two different childminders from two very different backgrounds; she'll get to mix with two different families, two different groups of children, two different approaches to childminding. And the best thing (and I know this sounds silly of me) - neither childminder gets to spend more days of the week with my little girl than I do! Genius.

The lessons I've learned on my travels? Start early, explore all your options, choose what's right for you, and keep at it – something will come along eventually. Also, don't be distracted by the OFSTED ratings, they aren't always up to date and can't give you a good idea of whether the childminder or nursery is right for you – nothing can compare to meeting a person face-to-face. I've checked both of my ladies out since signing my contracts just to make sure that OFSTED generally agree with my judgement, and I'm happy that there are no niggly things they noticed that I didn't pick up on. I'll update you in the new year with how things go.

If you're on the hunt for childcare yourself, the best place to start is your local authority childrens information centre who should be able to provide you with a list of child carers who may or may not have vacancies. You can also try http://www.findababysitter.com/ or http://www.childcare.co.uk/ .